Friday, September 24, 2010

Learn how to let go

We’ve all been hurt by another person at some time or another — we were treated badly, trust was broken, hearts were hurt. And while this pain is normal, sometimes that pain lingers for too long. We relive the pain over and over, and have a hard time letting go. Letting go is the process of accepting what’s happened or happening and move on. It is never easy cause we spend our time convincing ourselves that everything is alright when we know in our loneliness what our soul whispers to our heart. We get trapped in a cycle of anger and hurt, and miss out on the beauty of life as it happens.We need to learn to let go. We need to be able to forgive, so we can move on and be happy.
“Change is never easy, you fight to hold on, and you fight to let go.” – The Wonder Years

Some areas are easy to let go of. In some other areas it is difficult but possible with the right effort. In others, it is not possible the way we are right now, but we can prepare for it. Even when it is very challenging to let go, we can prepare by letting go around the edges, not attacking the craving directly at first. Sometimes by chipping away at the outside, we can work our way to the middle, eg, paying attention to the fear of the fear, as opposed to going directly into the fear. We need to understand, study, how to let go, and also for the heart to appreciate letting go. Forgiveness can change your life. Forgiveness does not mean you erase the past, or forget what has happened. It doesn’t even mean the other person will change his/her behavior — you cannot control that. All it means is that you are letting go of the anger and pain, and moving on to a better place.

It’s not easy. But you can learn to do it. It is important to understand the difference between healthy and unhealthy ways of letting go.

The 4 unhealthy ways of letting go:

1. Unnecessarily letting go of all of all your money, or sexuality making yourself suffer unnecessarily when it is the clinging of the object which is the problem, not the object.
2. Letting go out of duty, obligation, or excessive politeness.
3. Self sabotage  "I don't count", self-diminishing, self-effacing way of letting go, eg, I do not really deserve that chocolate.
4. Letting go out of hate, or fear, eg, letting go of desires.

The 4 healthy ways of letting go:

1.  Letting go of something, eg, conceit, identity, fear, clinging to chocolate . . . 
2. Letting something be, ie, letting go of movement of not letting things be, of our taking agency; letting to be yourself; finding a place of stillness within our awareness;
3. Letting something in, ie, to trust, to not resist, to let in what we are holding off at bay, eg, sorrow, suffering, love; letting go of resistance
4. Letting go into something, eg diving into a pool; calm and peace
One problem with gazing too frequently into the past is that we may turn around to find the future has run out on us.” – Michael Cibenko
And always remember what ever may happen in your life you have a choice to change your situation. You always have the choice.

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